7 Tips To Help Your Child Have a Successful School Year
Well, another school year has started! On my morning walks, which include walking past the neighbourhood school, it has been wonderful to see anticipation and excitement for many children and parents as they all wait for the school bell to ring. The crisp fall air, the sun shining on the golden leaves in the trees, and the smiles on faces are a lovely sight. But I also know that for some children, they face the school year with some anxiety, and in some cases dread. Parents can also share these feelings as their child embarks on another school year. For parents of neurodiverse children who have more specialized needs, and for whom the school environment can be challenging, there can be a load of worry at this time of year. They worry that their child will struggle and that they won’t be successful; academically, socially, or emotionally/behaviourally. Will they develop a negative or challenging relationship with their teacher or peers? Will we receive the weekly phone calls home about our child or perhaps our child will find themselves alone at recess breaks, simply walking around by themselves? Depending on the type of diverse needs of the child, these worries can be an ever-present thing in the minds of the parents. And let’s not forget, that if your child struggles to form positive relationships, it can also be somewhat isolating for the parent.
Whether your child has different cognitive or academic abilities that require more specialized support and programming, or emotional, behavioural, social or sensory differences, that might impact their ability to function successfully within the school environment, there are some important points as a parent to keep in mind to help facilitate a smoother school year. I will try to write about them throughout the school year, but here is the first point to emphasize:
Be part of your child’s school!
In the intake process for our Training in Core Social Skills program, as well as our counselling program, one of the questions we ask parents is about how their child functions socially at school. It is interesting when we occasionally hear that the parent doesn’t know. School is where children develop a ton of academic and social skills, develop relationships and learn lots of life skills. It is an important environment. This is an environment where your child spends the bulk of most of their day. Parents can feel a bit cut off from this critical environment, but it is so very important to your child (and yourself) to try to remedy that.
Integrating yourself in small ways into the school environment and school activities allows you to observe your child within that environment, and to see how your child is doing. When I was a school behaviour consultant, I was called in regularly to schools to support teachers in working with children with diverse emotional, behavioural, academic, social and sensory needs. The first thing I would do was to observe the child. Not just sitting in their seat in the classroom, but also during class entry and exit times, in the hallway, and you would even find me out walking around the playground at recess gathering information about how the child functioned in these varied environments with differing demands. (You might think I sound like a stalker, but I got very good at doing this in very casual, unobtrusive ways!) I was watching how the child was able to adapt to the environment and anything that might have been blocking them, as well as observing the environment to see if there was anything that might need to be adapted to support functioning. Then I was ready to meet with the teacher, to learn more about the child and to help develop successful strategies to support the child’s functioning in school. As parents, you do not want to be following your child around the school, nor does the teacher or your child! But when you occasionally walk them into the school, volunteer, or attend special events, pay attention to them a bit casually.
Watch their interactions with peers. If your child seems to be struggling with peer relationships, observe what is happening. Do they seem to have some social anxiety or shyness? Do they seem to not know how to engage in play or conversation with others? Are they “over the top” in some way, not recognizing cues from others that they are perhaps uncomfortable if your child is standing too close, talking too loud, or not paying attention to the thoughts/needs of the other children?
Observe them in the classroom. Do they understand and can follow the routines that everyone else is following? Are they having problems with organizing their materials, desk, and cubby/locker? Are they having difficulty at transition times (when needing to switch to a different activity or space)?
Observe their interactions with their teacher. Do they get along? Is your child following the teacher’s directions? If not, wonder why. Does your child need more visual instruction rather than verbal? Does your child have difficulty interpreting ambiguous, non-specific language? Does your child seem to have processing speed deficits, where they need more time to absorb, process and create output? Does the teacher seem to understand your child and their specialized needs? Are planned collaborative accommodations or adaptations being implemented? If not, perhaps you can gently find out why not, and offer some support to figure out how to get these implemented.
Being present in your child’s school environment allows you to form important positive connections with the people who work and support your child each day. While we never want to overwhelm our child’s school staff with our presence and always want to respect them, their training, knowledge and the work they are doing, you can work on developing a strong relationship that will help you to support that and work together to meet your child’s specialized needs.
Although many parents work and have a ton of other commitments, here are a few ideas to try to be a part of this environment in whatever small way you can:
For elementary-aged children, try your best to be the one to drop off and pick up your child from school, and if you can’t do this most days, try to do it at least once in a while. Even if you live close enough to the school that your child could walk on their own, walk with them occasionally. (Even junior high kids can benefit from this, but just remember that those junior high kids may not want you to walk them all the way!). When your child has some anxiety about heading to school, having the security of a trusted parent with them can help them to enter that environment more confidently.
Bring your child a special lunch or take them out for lunch once a month if possible. This allows you to enter the school and their classroom, even just for a few minutes, to say hi to the teacher, see the other kids, and be a familiar and supportive face to them, and they will become more familiar to you!
Volunteer in the classroom occasionally, for special events or for field trips when you can. Some children do not do well at special events or field trips, because they are out of their routine, and they don’t quite know what to expect and what will be expected of them. Their anxiety might spike, or they may use maladaptive behaviours to cope with the differences. Having a supportive person who knows and understands them can be so helpful.
Go to the special events hosted by the school such as student art shows, talent shows, winter concerts, Meet and meet-and-greet barbeques, and track meets. Offer to help and get your child helping too! If your child struggles academically, they can often feel unsuccessful at school, but there are a host of other activities at school that are more social or practical that do not involve reading, writing, or math. They can feel successful helping to set up tables for the Meet and Greet with you, helping to carry the hotdogs outside, or greeting the parents and kids and handing out nametags. The other great thing about this is that those children who feel self-conscious in the classroom because of learning difficulties can show other talents and skills if they can participate in the school environment in other ways. It can help them to build more positive and less anxious feelings around school.
Take the time to say hello to the other parents, the teachers, and the administration (If you are shy, just a smile and a “hi” can start things off!) when you drop off or pick up, or at special events. Get to know them through casual chat. This helps you to build strong, positive relationships with school staff that you will need throughout the school years, especially when you have a child who has specialized needs. Getting to know the parents of your child’s classmates can also help your child to develop stronger relationships within their class. Knowing other parents can help to set up playdates for your child if they are young, or if they struggle to initiate. Eventually, you want to support them to build the skills to do this for themselves, but at first, it can be so helpful to have Mom or Dad to help model and guide the way. Knowing the other parents can also create a support system for you! Perhaps their child struggles in some of the same ways and they have ideas or resources to share. Perhaps you might need someone to take your child home after school one day when you have to work late. Investing in relationship development at the school level can pay off immensely for you and your child.
Even if you can’t get into the school to help, you can still help and at the same time get to know your child’s teacher and build a supportive, collaborative relationship. Teachers work hard. I was one and I know it can be a never-ending job. Many teachers work into the evenings and on weekends creating special learning materials, bulletin boards, handouts, organizing supplies for an art or science project, planning a field trip, etc. (Remember, they cannot get these things done during the school day when they are directly working with your child, and even if the kids leave at 3:00 or 3:30, there is usually tidying, organizing, marking of assignments, test preparation, lesson planning, etc. that can leave them at the school long after the kids have left.) Shoot an email to your child’s teacher at the start of the year introducing yourself and letting them know that you might not be able to come volunteer within the classroom due to your daytime commitments, but you’d like to support them in other ways by helping with anything that they might need that you could do at home or on evenings/weekends (without adding too much on your already pretty full plate!) Helping, if you are able and have the time and energy, to support your child’s teacher can help them to have the time and energy to focus on supporting your child.
Get involved in the Parent Council at your child’s school. You might be able to discuss and support the school population on a wider basis in the area of learning or social, emotional, behavioural, or sensory needs. You might also be able to develop a nice support system for yourself, which can make a world of difference.
There are many ways to become part of your child’s school world, depending on your availability, interests, schedule and energy levels. Don’t overcommit yourself, but it can help you to feel better too to get to know the people with whom your child spends their days. And while we never want to hover, intrude, or parent from a place of worry so that our child (and teacher) also feels worried, connecting to the environment where your child spends most of their days can go a long way to support their success within it.
